Today marks the
First Day
Of change.
But, I wonder,
How can a tiny, orange and white capsule
Change my life,
My brain,
My functioning?
Its 7:05.
I get on the bus.
I feel the urge to study everyone around me.
The Asian girl sleeping, the kid I smoke with but never got to talk to, the preppy girl with a big poof of hair on her head, the elderly woman who wishes she took a different route.
I get off the bus.
I go to the cafeteria to get in some social time before school.
I have 10 minutes...
I can't stop talking.
"I feel so high right now."
"Did you just wake and bake?"
"Nah, Vyvanse."
"Shit, man, I take the same stuff!"
All day, I keep telling everyone how great it feels.
I can't shut up.
English-History comes around, I've raised my hand 5 times in one period.
The norm for me in E.H. is 5 times a week.
Its lunch time...
My boyfriend hasn't said much to me but, today,
I don't care.
I don't care, I don't care, I don't want to care.
Its 5 days later.
I have no will power.
My brain can no longer formulate my once-creative lines.
My daydreaming has not stopped; I feel the
Need to daydream more often.
I want to step outside of the class,
Step outside of the school,
and step into someone else's world.
I want to feel,
I want to be madly in love with
Everything I do,
Everything I touch.
Its as if I've vomited all over my aunt's rug, and I'm
Crying because I want to fix it.
But my life is not a finely-woven oversized cloth to
Cover ugly pieces of a house you didn't design; its not something to
Step on.
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