I never leave my soul at home.

A couple days ago, I woke up at 4AM with an urge to write...
here are a few different things.
They're pretty similar, I realized when I was basically back into consciousness when the sun was up....but that's alright.

Your feathers still float here,
Carried by wind,
Floating carelessly,
Endlessly,
Painfully.
Some days they do not move, but sit
And watch me.
I despise
I despise their color
I will not sit here anymore
I need to hold on to every piece of my body, for fear
That it will follow the wind
And your feathers
In their red color,
Dripping.
My body floats.
I would try again but
I'm afraid it would not be as careless
But it would be painful
And that would be the end...

___________________________

I told the man I lost myself
way back there
By the pile of dust
and the stereo that has forgotten how to play.
I ask him to help me find my way to bed
But he was not there to help me.
He kissed my forehead and
brushed away my loneliness--
He brought fear to my head.
My wrath, my love.
My wrath, my love, he poisons me
I will not drink such shallow tones.
I will close my eyes and hope
to hear you crying.
This man helped me remember anger, and
then I realized who he was.
He knew exactly how I could find my bed
And he would take me.
But now is not months ago,
Right before I tore out my last thought.

_______________________________

I cannot hold you unless I'm high--
Higher than you.
Ready to hold everything that surrounds me, I
pick up my mind, scattered behind your blistering feet,
while you stand motionless at the start of the path.
I cannot move you yet,
I am sober. I am
lying on the floor like the garbage you mistakenly
thought I was.
I am motherless
Can she feel you?
Not your breath, but I do hear it.
It's dark, and I'm
elevated.
May I climb up this tower you sit on and
listen to your eyes?
I am--the waves pulsate and are not afraid to
touch one another.
You are not afraid to touch me
But I cannot touch you.
I dont not wander into lit alleyways;
for I am elevated,
I am higher than you.

_________________________________

This morning, the sun will not simply sit on that chair,
poised more elegantly than I ever learned how to sit.
This morning, it will be wishing with the clouds.
The rain, today, will hug my face while I frown
upon my dull memory.
I will lose you, I promise. But...
Not this morning.
This morning, see, the rain carries your voice.
It whispers to me, each drop your tongue.
I do not wish to touch the lips that possess the things you tell me.
You are thoughtless
I am drowning

______________________________

I'll picture you, picturing me.
You are not here.
You are out, jumping into the summer water, and I am
in, waiting for spring.
I am worthless because
you will not stand in my driveway?
I will cut my body into pieces
And I will spoil in the sun
I will wait for spring
And dip my toes into the water,
for I never leave my soul at home; it will
get to thinking.
And it might wander to her driveway where
I'm already standing.
I did not wait for spring.